


i never grew up, it's getting so old [original]

by snakes_and_rainbows



Series: i've been the archer [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Black Hermione Granger, But AFAB, Chinese Lily Evans Potter, F/F, F/M, Female Harry Potter, Helen will have lordships too dw dw, I am nailing everything canon did wrong to a door thanks, Indian Harry Potter, Indian James Potter, Lesbian Hermione Granger, Lord Black Sirius Black, Lordships, M/M, Other, Polytheistic Wizarding World, Ron Weasley is a Good Friend, Super Harry, The goblins are dwarves now, Trans Harry Potter, Trans Ron Weasley, Worldbuilding, again more tags will be added, aka pansmione, anyway, bc fuck antisemitism, bc i am forgetting my plot rn, because self insert time, cough cough if you saw my old fic before it was deleted you know what THAT means, gods my gay is showing my self insert has dated all my hp crushes ksjdfshdf, shhh - Freeform, sorta - Freeform, they're trans, woah both Harry and Sirius' future...person are self inserts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-09
Updated: 2021-02-21
Packaged: 2021-03-15 10:34:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,701
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29312670
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/snakes_and_rainbows/pseuds/snakes_and_rainbows
Summary: What if Sirius hadn't run off to somewhere sunny after third year? What if he'd made Harry's dream of a home come true?Basically borrowing the prompt from A Marauder's Plan. The story will be pretty different. And gayer. And trans-er. Basically, I'm gay as fuck and it shows.Oh, and Harry is transmasc. Because again. Gay.The title is taken from The Archer by Taylor Swift.
Relationships: Hermione Granger & Harry Potter & Ron Weasley, Remus Lupin/Severus Snape, Sirius Black & Harry Potter, Sirius Black & Remus Lupin, Sirius Black/Original Nonbinary Character, past Sirius Black/Remus Lupin - Relationship
Series: i've been the archer [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2195751
Comments: 4
Kudos: 15





	1. help me hold on to you

**Author's Note:**

> These chapters will get longer! This is just the first one.
> 
> Disclaimer: Nothing belongs to me except the plot and my singular oc. Er. Singular for now? Anyway, yeah. Everything else belongs to the personified dumpster that is J.K. Rowling.
> 
> Also, each work in the series will be named after a different song. I think this will only cover the summer after third year leading up to when Helen's name comes out of the Goblet.

Sirius quickly climbed into Buckbeak as Helen and Hermione scrambled into the tower. There was so much he wanted to say, so much he wanted Helen to know...about her parents, about her grandparents, _everything._

In that moment, he resolved that he would do anything, _everything,_ to stay with Helen.

Helen grinned at him as she stumbled over the windowsill. And _gods._ She reminded Sirius so much of his best friends that it _hurt._

He didn't...he didn't know what to say. 

Footsteps echoed into the room through the slightly open door. 

"Sirius, you have to go! Fudge is coming!" Helen gasped out. She quickly started to cover herself and Hermione with the cloak, but Sirius held out a hand.

"Wait. Helen...Gods, kid, your parents would be so proud of you." 

Sirius saw Helen's eyes start to tear up and he ignored the fact that his own seemed to be burning for some inexplicable reason. He shut the window carefully and gently patted Buckbeak's side. He saw Hermione and Helen disappear underneath the cloak from a distance as the door to the room started to swing open all the way.

Buckbeak's wings flapped, but Sirius was hit by a surge of panic. What if they weren't fast enough? What if he got kissed just as he got Helen and Remus back?

"Go, Beaky, just a bit faster!" He would not get caught. He couldn't. Helen wouldn't be able to handle it if her godfather was sent back to Azkaban and probably kissed _just because that stupid rat escaped-_

Sirius swallowed down a scream. He needed to be careful. Dementors had ears. Er...maybe they did. He honestly didn't know. But regardless, it was definitely possible that he could be discovered.

"Buckbeak," he whispered. "Do you know where London is?"

Because where better to hide than the one place the ministry would never dare to look?

Buckbeak let out a caw that sounded almost like a yes and flapped his wings faster. Soon enough, Sirius had left Hogwarts far behind. He was hit with the urge to go somewhere warm, sunny, where he could recuperate.

But no. What was he thinking? He needed to stay for Helen, even if it meant going back to- back to- he couldn't even _think_ it, gods, stupid fucking trauma. How would he be able to live there if he couldn't fucking _think the name?_

But he would do it. For Helen.

Before long, Buckbeak and Sirius were flying over London in the pre-dawn light. Sirius caught a glimpse of a familiar square and urged Buckbeak down.

"You're free to go if you want, Beaky. There is a pretty big space for you in the house, though. If you'd like." Sirius swallowed and tried to ignore the lump in his throat at being back _here._ He hadn't been back since Reg- The last time he was at Grimmauld Place, it hadn't been fun.

Buckbeak cawed and nudged Sirius' hand. He flapped his wings and disappeared into the slowly lightening sky. Sirius took a deep breath and stepped forward into the small gap in between numbers eleven and thirteen. Touching a specific brick on the wall of number eleven- fourteenth to left, seventeen up- he sent some of his magic into the stone.

Sirius blinked, holding in a yawn, and when he opened his eyes, it was just _there._ In the tiny space where there had once been a grimy looking trash can, there was a door.

It was almost _glowing_ where the still-weak sun hit the engravings just right, and the golden wood seemed to be calling to Sirius. Almost unconsciously, he reached out a hand and touched the doorknob. And then everything went dark.

>|-----|<

Sirius blinked open his eyes.

Everything was pitch black. Was he...was he dead? He couldn't remember wards like this, but he wouldn't put it past his sorry excuse for a mother to set up wards that would kill him after she kicked him out.

Turns out being queer and anti-blood purist was not a great situation to be in if you were a Black.

But...if he was dead, then where was the council of the gods?

He wasn't in a sparkling throne room as he'd expected, with thrones for each of the seven gods.

Nope. Just a fun little abyss.

He went to run a hand through his hair, and to his surprise, it actually worked.

Sirius honestly hadn't expected himself to have a body.

Well. Nothing else to do but walk, he supposed.

As soon as he took a single step, there was an explosion of golden light. The abyss wasn't an abyss anymore.

Instead, it was a glade, its grass sparkling gold and the trees around it looked like birches, except silver with golden leaves.

"What the hell?" Sirius muttered aloud.

He saw the trees at the edge of the clearing begin to tremble. Shit. Maybe he hadn't been supposed to talk?

But instead of the trees uprooting themselves and coming to eat him, a small gap formed between two of them. Sirius saw a glowing white light approach the hole and slip through.

Maybe this was one of the gods?

He hadn't realized he'd said it aloud until the light _chuckled._

"No one has realized that without prompting before. Then again, Sirius Orion Black, you are not just anyone, are you?" 

The glowing light solidified into a wyrm. The symbol of El.

Sirius dropped down to his knees. 

"Lady El, lady of flowing water and the shining moon, may your light ever glow." The words poured out of him, almost by instinct, but something about them felt familiar, like he'd both uttered them a thousand times before and was saying them for the first time. 

"You may rise, young lord."

Sirius scrambled to his feet, inwardly cursing his lack of...well, everything one wanted when interacting with one of the literal gods.

"My apologies, lady, but what do you mean by lord?" Sirius bowed his head.

For the first time, the wyrm seemed surprised. Then she sighed. "I was warned it would be so. Young lord, you are the last scion of the Ancient and Magickal House of Black. As such, you are the lord Black amongst your kind."

Sirius' eyes widened. "With all due respect, my lady, I thought I was disowned?"

She chuckled again, and _gods,_ Sirius had never expected that _El,_ of all the gods, would _snort_ when she laughed.

"Not in the eyes of the gods. You are the rightful lord of House Black."

Sirius swallowed. Gods. "I am grateful for this honor, my lady. But...why have you told me this? You're a goddess, not...er, one of the dwarves from Gringotts." Shit. Why had he just questioned a goddess? He was probably about to be smited, shit. Fucking- shit. What would Helen do?

"Lord Black. Calm yourself," Lady El chided. Sirius forced himself to take a deep breath. "As one of the seven Ancient and Magickal Houses, the Blacks have always been tied to me. As such, I have come to test you to see if you are worthy of being lord. I now see that is unnecessary. Your devotion, your courage. You are pure of heart, one of the few Blacks who truly embodies _Toujours pur."_

Sirius felt rather than saw a tendril of El's magic reach out and circle his right ring finger. It solidified with a thunk into a silver ring with a wyrm engraved into it. 

"Now, Lord Black, I think it is time you return to your responsibilities…"

And with that, everything went dark.

Sirius groaned.

“Not again…”

>|-----|<

It was bright. Huh. Nice change.

Sirius cracked open his eyes and immediately shut them again as the light seemed to stab them.

Maybe it was too bright.

He opened his eyes more slowly as he sat up. He seemed to be leaning against the wall that had the entrance to Grimmauld Place. He felt like he'd been run over by a truck.

Sirius groaned. Gods. He needed to get inside.

He would have thought what had happened was a dream, except as he reached for the door, he saw a heavy silver ring around his finger.

"Woah…"

Sirius stumbled into the foyer as he admired his new ring. If he had to be Lord Black, at least he got a cool ring out of the deal-

"SCUM! BLOOD TRAITOR! FILTHY GRYFFINDOR!"

Ah. The lovely dulcet tones of his mother.

"Oh, do shut up and address your lord properly, Walburga." Sirius flashed his hand at the grimy portrait of his mother hanging by the umbrella stand. Her mouth dropped open.

"It...it can't be."

"Oh, _it is._ Now, is Kreacher still around?" As Sirius said that, a loud crack sounded through the foyer.

"Kreacher will serve filthy blood traitor master, he will. But he will not like it, oh no he won't," Kreacher mumbled in Sirius' general direction.

" Well Kreach, what if I told you I was Lord Black? And given the ring by Lady El herself?"

Kreacher's demeanor suddenly did an about-face. He straightened and even his pillowcase turned into a smart set of black robes with the Black crest embroidered in silver. "I am deeply sorry, my lord." Sirius' mouth was agape, and he could see out of the corner of his eye that his mother was shocked too.

"Er...Kreacher, have you always been able to talk normally?"

"Of course, sir. Your ancestor ordered all of his house elves to dumb ourselves down, but since you have been blessed by Lady El herself, we are bound to serve in your best interest. Of course, we would do so without the magic, out of respect for the gods that created all of us. You are the first Black since my river-mate's time who has been blessed as you have."

Sirius knew that house elves formed near magical rivers, much like how Bowtruckles formed near magical trees. He was ashamed to say that one of his ancestors, probably the one who ordered house elves to dumb themselves down, was the one who had enslaved the ancient beings and bonded them to the will and magic of the ancient families.

"Thank you, Kreacher. Er...if Kreacher is your name? I just realized it sounds just like the word creature, which doesn’t seem like the nicest name ever. Oh, shut up, Mother!" Sirius had grown sick of his mother's near-constant interruptions, which he had managed to tune out until just then.

"My true name is He-who-is-as-smooth-as-river-stones, but you may call me Stone. And I will take care of it for you, my lord." Kreacher- no, Stone- snapped his fingers and the portrait of Sirius' mother disappeared. He furrowed his brows and snapped again. A whirlwind of magic so thick he could _taste_ it swept through the house, cutting away the grime and leaving sparkling silver and black stone in its wake.

"Oh, _wow._ Thank you, Stone. I...thank you. I don't think I've ever seen this place like this. Oh, and please call me Sirius. It feels wrong for you to call me sir or lord." Sirius smiled down at Stone. Somehow, the elf he'd hated just a few minutes before was quickly becoming one of his favorite people- er, beings.

Stone smiled and nodded. "I will go make you brunch. I have prepared your room and I would suggest you go to your study to claim the wards."

Sirius' head was spinning. It had been a long day, and based on the meal Stone was going to serve, it wasn't even noon yet. "Er, Stone, could I take a nap first?" 

"Of course, Sirius." Stone touched his hand and popped the both of them to Sirius' new room. He snapped and Sirius was suddenly wearing clean pajamas. 

Sirius crawled into bed and barely registered the crack of Stone popping away before he was asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah. I'll update on Friday!


	2. i wake in the night (i hate my reflection for years and years)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Revelations (aka corruption, aka g a y)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This...kind of ran away from me, pretty much none of this was intended. But I highkey love it? So...we'll see. I'll have to update the tags now lol. 
> 
> Tw brief homophobic slurs [d^ke, q^eer] because of an idiotic....er, moose of a man.

Helen yawned sleepily as she stretched. She could feel sunlight on her face and was buried in soft, warm blankets...what more could she want from life?

As she cuddled back down into her bed, her shoulder twinged with pain and she jolted up with a gasp. 

For a second, she didn’t know where she was. Then she smelled peppermint and chocolate and remembered that she was in the hospital wing, that Sirius Black was her godfather, and that he  _ wanted  _ her.

Someone  _ wanted _ her.

After years of living with the Dursleys, it was honestly a change. A nice one, though. Before Sirius’ quick hug the night before, Ron and Hermione had been the only ones to ever hug her. 

Helen grinned and let out a small squeak.

“Miss Potter! Sit back down this instant!”

Helen opened her eyes and saw the blurry figure of Madam Pomfrey rushing at her. “Tsk, tsk, trying to be up and about in your state! Three hundred dementors! Necessity, my arse!” She let out a shriek of anger that she hastily stifled as she remembered that she was still with Helen. 

Helen, meanwhile, stifled a giggle. Or three. Possibly more.

“Does that mean I can have more chocolate?” Helen did her best puppy eyes at the mediwitch, hoping against hope that she would get more of that delicious, serotonin inducing  _ amazingness. _ She’d tried it for the first time on the Hogwarts Express and had fallen in love at that moment. Now, it didn’t just taste good, but it brought back memories of her friends, of magic, of Hogwarts.

“Oh, alright.” Madam Pomfrey handed Helen her glasses along with a smooth box that was shaped like…

“FU- er, fudge yes! Thank you so much, Madam Pomfrey!” Helen jammed her glasses onto her nose and tore open the box, pointedly ignoring Madam Pomfrey’s disapproving stare. It wasn’t her fault that Ron had the mouth of a hippogriff and that it’d rubbed off a bit!

Madam Pomfrey gave her a small smile and walked over to Hermione to check on her. Helen munched on her chocolate frog as she read the card. It was about a wizard she’d never heard of- Aiden Flamel, apparently a descendant of the same Flamels who had kept their philosopher’s stone in the bowels of the school. Dumbledore had said they’d only live until Helen’s seventh year…

She pushed down a wave of sadness and guilt and read the card.

“Known for being the first transgender wizard, Flamel is also the youngest registered animagus in the twentieth century (as of August 1993): he achieved the transformation at just seventeen years of age under the tutelage of Albus Dumbledore,” Helen read aloud. Huh. “What’s transgender?” She called across the gap between the beds to where Hermione was still being fussed over by Madam Pomfrey.

For once, Hermione seemed to be at a loss. “I definitely read the word in a muggle book, but I’m afraid I don’t entirely remember what it is. It has to do with the Stonewall riots in America, I think. Anyway, what brought this up?” 

Helen held up her chocolate frog card. “This is some wizard named Aiden Flamel, apparently he’s transgender? Does that mean that he transfigured his gender?”

Madam Pomfrey tutted and walked over to Helen as Hermione gaped, probably recognizing the last name. 

“No, Miss Potter, transgender means that someone doesn’t identify as the gender they were assigned at birth. For example, if you wanted to be called Mr. Potter or perhaps Mx. Potter or something else entirely.” Madam Pomfrey looked down at the card and started to talk again, but Helen’s mind was racing.

She’d...something had felt...hearing that, it was as though....

Helen couldn’t put the feeling into the words, but throughout the rest of the day,  _ Mr. Potter  _ seemed to bounce through her head along with random bursts of happiness.

Not even the news that Professor Lupin was leaving was enough to shatter the bubble entirely, although it definitely came close.

In the end, once he’d explained what had happened, Ron and Helen had been about ready to attack Snape, damn the consequences, but then Professor Lupin had explained that he had done it because he had told him to.

Honestly, Helen was still confused. She didn’t really like the way Ron had seemed to understand  _ something _ before Hermione and Helen had, his face going purple.    
  
In the end, as long as Professor Lupin (“You can call me Uncle Remus in public now that I’m not your professor”) was okay, Helen was okay with...whatever was going on.

That didn’t stop her from trying to get Ron’s revelation out of him. 

Later that night in the common room, Ron finally explained.

“Well, see, Professor Lupin- er, Remus- made it seem like… well, like he and Snape were  _ dating.” _ Ron grimaced and Helen immediately flew into a temper.

“Ron, just because they’re both men doesn’t make it bad!” She wasn’t entirely sure why she felt so strongly about it, it was actually rather odd.

Ron looked shocked, as did Hermione. 

“What do you mean? It’s because it’s  _ Snape,  _ of all people! What does them being men have to do with anything?” Ron’s eyebrows furrowed.

Hermione looked at Helen and Ron strangely. “You really don’t...you really don’t think there’s something wrong with gay people?” Her voice trembled, and Helen resigned herself to losing a friend. God, she’d never thought Hermione would be...like that.

“Well, no, of course not! Charlie is trans, and Bill is bi! You really think I’d be that horrible to my family?” Ron gritted his teeth.

Meanwhile, as Hermione started to cry and Ron looked flummoxed (“Gods, what’s going on with her?”) Helen was shocked.

It was okay to be a freak in the wizarding world?

Having short hair that refused to grow was enough for Uncle Vernon to call Helen a dyke and a queer and a freak, but- but-

It was okay?

Not that she was one. It was okay if Prof- Uncle Remus was, but she definitely wasn’t. She supported people who were, but she definitely liked guys. Like Cedric Diggory! Just a few months before, during Quidditch, she had thought that he was cute! It was obvious that she was just a...just a  _ friend _ of gay people.

Ron tapped Helen on the shoulder, snapping her away from her thoughts. “You might want to hear this, mate.”

Helen turned to Hermione, who seemed to have calmed down a bit.

“I’m not really sure how to say this, but Ron, Helen, um, I think- no, I  _ know _ it, but, um, I’m a lesbian.” Hermione bit her lip. Ron looked oddly excited and Helen...Helen didn’t know how she felt. She was happy for Hermione, of course she was, but for some reason there was a weird, twisty feeling in her stomach.

“Cool, mate. Then we can talk about girls together, eh?” Ron clapped Hermione’s shoulder and she broke into a smile. 

“Oh, Ron, you’re such a good friend, holy cricket, I don’t even know what to say!” She leapt onto his chair and nearly bowled the two of them over as she gave him a hug. 

Helen grinned at Hermione. “That’s awesome! It’s really nice that you told us.” She shoved the squirming feeling into the depths of her stomach and locked it away. 

She looked up to see that at some point in their conversation, the common room had emptied. A glance at the clock showed that it was one am. 

“God, we should probably get to sleep. At this rate we won’t be able to catch the Express in the morning.” Helen stood up to head to the dorms, but Ron grabbed her arm.

“Er, one more thing, sorry.” Ron swallowed and gestured towards the chairs. Hermione and Helen sat down. 

“So, I’m not entirely sure yet, but to be honest, Hermione has inspired me a bit. I-I think I might be a, well, a girl. Iknowwe’reallkindofyoungbutI’vebeenowlingCharlieaboutitandpleasedon’thateme-” Ron started to gasp and Hermione and Helen immediately rushed to his-  _ her  _ side.

“We could never hate you!” Helen said as Hermione wrapped her up in a hug. Hermione barely had to move to reach Ron because she had pretty much tackled her in her chair just a bit earlier.

Hermione nodded firmly and pulled back. “Now then, what are your pronouns? I assume they’re she and her because you said you might be a girl, but of course I don’t want to assume, and what name should we call you? And does your family know, and-”

“Hermione!” Helen held up a hand, stopping just shy of touching her. “I think we’re overwhelming Ron a bit? So how about we talk about all this on the train tomorrow, have a bit of a rest now.” Helen yawned, not even having to fake it. “I’m definitely a bit tired.”

Ron looked up at the clock. “Blimey! It’s late!”

The trio went up to the landing and prepared to say their goodnights. As Helen and Hermione went up the stairs to their dorm, they heard a yelp from behind them.

The stairs to the boys’ staircase had turned into a slide.

“Ron, you had better come to our dorm, then!” Helen called down.

As the three of them settled into bed, Ron taking Helen’s bed, no one, not even the half-asleep Parvati and Lavender, could miss the glowing smile on all three of their faces.

When Helen finally drifted off to sleep around half an hour later, the only thing running through her mind was “Mr. Potter...Mr. Potter”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welp! There we are! I'm sorry it's a bit late, again, things...ran away from me lol. Anyway. I need a beta please, this is...a mess. 
> 
> I'll update really soon...perhaps today...no promises though I'm horrible at being fast.


	3. Not an update!!

Alright! So! Hi!

I have two updates.

One, I'm so sorry that I haven't updated, I've been extremely busy. In light of this, I can't promise regular updates but I'll try to update at least once a week.  
Two, I am going to be rewriting the chapters I have up because I have Ideas. Usually, this wouldn't be an issue bc I wouldn't have published a story with only a few chapters written, but I really wanted my friend to be able to read it easily. So, yeah.

Would you guys rather I delete the work or just edit the chapters?

Thanks everyone, and sorry for this.

-Romeo


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